The mood today

This is the mood today.. laid back cocktail in hand, fabulous Bossa Nova.. adult hotness

Fool On The Hill - Sergio Mendez & The Brazil 66

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Is it bad to want

I sometimes think i want to much and that is bad, because i want and want and that's all i could focus on.On all the things i need to fill and with that comes wanting.. wanting stuff, people, more and more.. Is has become clear to me that i feel cheated, that I, should be having more than this life.

Why cant i be the one that has it all, i mean in the sense of love, financial stability, don't get me wrong its not that i want to be like super stupid dumb rich, naahh i do dream but i don't see as attainable. Is it to much for me to be happy. That;s all i want to be happy is that even possible.There are days when it just feels like a whole wanting fest, i wake up wanting to not have to wake up so early to go to a job that i don't hate but that i don't love, wanting to take a cab to work cause i hate the train, wanting to be looking as put together as that lady across from me, DAMM i want to look god in pants like that, i want to have more clothes. Wanting to be able to sit at the dinner and have some croissant and coffee with the paper before 8:30.. Uh and the day has just begun.

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AM I EVER GONNA FIND THIS MAN

Am i ever going to find this man?? i am getting discouraged.. like where the F is he? Sometimes i think I'm too wild and i think like a man and i will never get that ring. Lol. Everyone around me is getting married.. even my side boy is getting legal? what is up with that? Are u serious.. i was dumbfounded when he told me.

What the hell is going on? Is it me, do i have too many isht on my list that i am not willing to compromise on. uh what is it?Cause i feel like im too much for a lot of the guys i see, and i dont think i could really trust guy, like uhh EVERR.. i have my reasons, i 've been thru a lot of stuff and i promised myself i was not going to be a clingon or a lollipop anymore, NOOOOOH, sometimes i feel like i got it cause i am single and i am the envy of some if not most of my girlfriends and other times i get all softy inside because i really miss feeling loved and cared for, someone that keeps me in his mind and shows it.Today is one of those days, i wish i could just find this dude and hes like perfect for me. That can handle me and my loud opinionated mouth, my ambition, my grand dreams. That man that can love me and fight for me and with me when im fucking up. Where is he?

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I need boy etiquette

I met someone... and i just realized i have no game and i need boy etiquette. I do i really do, i don't know how to act, i guess that's why i have boy trouble all the time. I have no self control, lol, like i do what i say and say what i do.. its an issue.. Question?? So if a guy i just met asks me something sexual what am i supposed to do, i mean i thought it was kind of inappropriate but not offensive and I'm not a prude. Whats the boytiquette(is that a word?)?. Do you ask a guy what his motives are?? how long do you wait to kiss him?.. uhm should you accept every invitation, Help me!

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The Fashionista Bandit

Look at this kid.Movie waiting to happen.. mark my words. This child is gonna be the hottest thing in about a minute. I just read Kevahn's story in New York Magazine and i was blown away.. this is genius on the sidelines.. Kevahn is a 18 year old boy serving a three year stint in Rocker's for repeated offenses: Shoplifting! But listen the circumstances in this young kid live drove him to be like a maniac high style, shoplifter.. he got fashionista in his blood:

“ When I ask about his plans for after he gets out of prison, all he wants to talk about is fashion, firing questions at me: "Who does Dior now?" "Who designs Paul Smith?" "Remember Louis Vuitton? Like, a few seasons ago, he did a SpongeBob theme? You know Louis Vuitton started off making trunks, right? In the 1800s?" "Balenciaga, who does it for women's?" He pauses to learn how to correctly pronounce Nicolás Ghesquière's name. "You know that Yves Saint Laurent died, right? At 71 years old. He's the first person, the first designer, to have black people model his clothing." A burly Department of Corrections captain is supervising our visit, and I've been imagining his disdain as he listens to this conversation. Now he interrupts. "He could be good working for a fashion publicist," he says. "That's something I can see you at, right there.”

Kevahn Thorpe. From New York Magazine

This kid deserves to learn the consequences of his actions but i also believe this kid will overcome this and change his life, hopefully someone can overcome the faults and mentor to him for something better.This is some fancy, Haute couture future entrepreneur

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7 weeks

Ok, so 7 weeks into 2009 and I'm following my dreams, the one i had buried into the deepest darkest hole inside of me. Yes sirr i decided i was gonna be the strongest girl in the whole universe and i was going to be ME! not what people expected of me. I started my diet, 17lbs and counting lost so far, putting in hard work into this blog and pursuing my dreams of being someone with a voice, and help my peoples get out of "our" hood, lol i loove hip hop and to me hood is not where you live but your circumstances and the mentality of mediocrity and all all the bullisht that comes along with the hood, the sarcasm and the lack of hope.. people just surviving day to day with no other goal in life than just living and paying bills..so i started writing and doing what i felt inside.. no filter, that's me, i say what think. When people just talk and talk, they water down their real feelings and they're feeding you bullisht that is not gonna get you to where you need to be.

7 weeks and my life has truly changed..Some people are touched by God and are able to overcome shit that we would never even begin to phantom so why are you or me any different, us, people that have electricity, sewage's, a government that hands out survival checks,I don't believe that God just touches anyone, i believe he chooses those that need it but also that help themselves by being the person they want to be and those working hard.. all of this in 7 seven weeks. can you imagine in 10 years..

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Boyz Boyz

Lord why are boys so difficult?? huh why do the y play all these games and why oh why do they think that they can treat us like lollipops? Last night around 5:20 am, yes, i said a.m. my ex if i could call him an ex calls blasting some romatic song and he just wanted to let me know im his heart always and forever... COME ONNN!! after 2 months of not speaking.. He did always get away with that isht with me but i finally decided to put a stop to it, but this guy is persistent.

I used to be clingon girl.. i'll admit it and this particular dude did all the ish you can imagine he had girls on the side, 3 kids with 3 different baby mommas (that should have been my red flag, but sometimes we sooo messed up, we attracted to this isht), anyways he did me wrong but at the end i blame on myself for not being more assertive and not standing up for myself.. but i am now, i cant even bring myself to see this person eye to eye, let alone hear all this bullisht. I want to encourage all clingons and former clingons to unite be strong.. somebody will come but don't make the mistake of allowing people to treat you in any way less than what you deserve..I tell myself all day I am star and the person next to be me need to be an upgrade not anything less.

I am happy it was my turn to put him in his place!!

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